In Life Is Permanent Warfare and Heroic Death, Eco centers Ur-Fascism around war. I wonder if that's because it most easily comes to mind, what with World War II and all.
Perhaps a better metaphor would be domestic violence. As with an abusive marriage, there will always be another opportunity for rage. The Golden Age resulting from "if you just didn't make me so *mad* I wouldn't hit you" never arrives. But holding out better times ahead works just fine to perpetuate the violence and establish that it's not the abuser's *fault*.
I was thinking of domestic violence as primarily from men, directed at women. But, in response to a Mastodon post 
, Jan Dietrich pointed to a book, first published in 1934, titled "Die deutsche Mutter und ihr erstes Kind " (*The German Mother and Her First Child*), about which: wow. Jan describes it as "not physical violence but psychological" and "education towards detachment."